Most of the time, I intentionally don’t write much about Darcy here. The reason for that being that I don’t want to assume to put words in his mouth, or feelings in his head. If anything in this journey, I’ve learned that grief and how you cope with it is a very personal thing. No two people grieve the same way. And although Darcy and I are on the same wavelength most of the time, I’m not going to assume to know how he feels well enough to write about it here. That is a mutual respect we have for one another. That is one of the reasons why our partnership works so well, we rarely make assumptions.
Today is a big day in Darcy’s life. Today is his 35th birthday. A milestone of sorts. But today is also his first Father’s Day. Which makes the day taste bitter. Darcy has been apprehensive (to put it mildly) leading up to today. He’s requested multiple times if he could just sleep through it. And as hard as it may be, I think it’s necessary to celebrate the father he was to Everlee and continues to be.
One of those things that haunts me, and I’ve mentioned it before, is that Darcy once said the only thing he ever got to do for our daughter was to carry her little coffin to her grave. And it pains me to think that’s all he thinks he has done.
Darcy, every little thing you did for me while I was pregnant – whether it be going to the store at 7am on a saturday morning because I just *HAD* to have milk, The emergency chicken wing runs, accompanying me to all of those doctors appointments, or taking charge of the house and making sure things were done while I was on bed rest – they were for her. They were all for Everlee. Our daughter is the luckiest little girl to have a daddy who was willing to sacrifice so much to make her safe and happy. You may have only held her in your arms for a few moments, but you held her in your heart from the very moment we knew she existed.
So I want to take this entry to wish my husband, my partner and my best friend the happiest of birthdays, and the best Father’s Day we can possibly have. You have been my rock through all of this, and since I’ve known you. And you are the best father there is. Because you had such a great role model in your own father, and in your father-in-law. I look forward to celebrating 100 more birthdays with you, and 100 more Father’s Days. I love you. And so does Everlee.
Dear Rhonda and Darcy; I just got off the phone from you both, from sharing our Birthday and Father’s Day Wishes and thought I would check up on the Facebook News.
I just want to say Rhonda, that that is the most beautiful letter, I have ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your personal thoughts about Darcy with us and everyone. To actually see the love that you have for Darcy, is so special to me. I can hardly type because I can’t see the words. I always knew there was a special bond between you two, but it was never so clear to me as in the last four months. Maybe I shouldn’t have been privy to some of the looks of despair, concern or the loving touches that you gave each other, but it was such a comfort to us, that you were clinging to one another and helping each other through losing Everlee.
As a parent, the only thing you want for you child is to be happy. I have said over and over, that I was never sad on Darcy and your Wedding Day. I cried tears of joy, that he had found a life partner to make him happy. I wanted the same for him, that I have, to know the love of a good person and to be able to enjoy every day life, whether good or bad. To know that he is so loved and taken care of makes me more than happy today.
Today, as we drove home in the car, the music was playing, and I cried through so many songs, some were songs of joy, some of sadness, but others songs were of a caring love for another person. Music has a way, of making the tears roll so easily down my cheeks. Maybe I was just sad, that I couldn’t be there to give Darcy a hug on his birthday, but your letter has helped me so much.
Thank you for sharing your picture with everyone. I wanted everyone to see my son, hold his little girl. While I looked on, in the hospital room, I can see see the look of utter devotion and love, that you had on your face, watching Darcy hold Everlee. I was so scared to say “can I take your picture”, but you willingly gave your camera over, so that I could have the picture, that has been captured in my heart. My Son, His Wife, and Their Daughter.
It is hard for me to express the feelings of love, I have for you, Darcy. Not because I have no words, there is so many adjectives to describe you. Kindness, compassion, wit, the list could go on and on. But I feel a love for you that is beyond words. I know every Mom and Dad probably feels like we do, but too me, you were always so special. Maybe because you were my only child, that I thought you were incredible, that you could accomplish anything. I still do feel that is you are beyond compare. I tried to write everything special down when you were little, so that I could always remember them. Sometimes, I look back and think, maybe I was too hard on him, maybe I should have done things differently, but then I see the man you have become, and I think ,no, he turned out “almost perfect”. I have tried to keep some of my thoughts inside, but there has been so many moments, when I thought that I would burst with pride.
I want to tell everyone, how our son, made us laugh until we cried, rubbing his face in his first chocolate cake, how he climbed the stairs on a huge slide, but paused to say “Hi Dad”, half way up, how he could ride a bike the minute the training wheels came off, how he persevered in school, excelled in University, Teacher’s College and then went to Newfoundland for his Master’s Degree. How he won the most prestigious award at Memorial University and How I wanted to yell – “That’s my Boy”.
I want you to know that the day Dad, left you at the Airport in Newfoundland to fly back home when you started school there, was the hardest day for him. He felt like he was leaving his baby all alone. You should always know the depth of love that your Dad has for you. There is not a thing in the world that he would not give to you gladly. The only thing he could not do, was bring back Everlee for you. Your Dad cried tears of pain when he held you in his arms, when Everlee passed away. He had a look on his face, that said, “What can we do, how can we fix this for Darcy”. There has never been a problem, that you could not come to us with that we couldn’t help you solve. Except for that brutally painful February day. So when I read this letter, today, it made us feel so happy that you have Rhonda to help you get through all your hard times with.
But one of the things, that I loved about you most, was your kind, gentle ways and your love for babies. We used to say, he is just like his Grandpa McMeekin. Grandpa always loved babies. I always thought it was so special to see Darcy cuddle with someone’s child. I remember him saying “Mom, okay it is my turn”, when I was holding his little God-daughter Rylan.
I can hear his words, if it is a girl we are going to call her Everlee Rose McMeekin. He loved the name and to me, there will never be a name so beautiful as Everlee Rose.
I know that he was so proud to be able to say “We are having a baby”. Ray and Ita Pittman shared every minute of joy with us.
Darcy you have given us the most wonderful gift in the world, when you fathered your beautiful and precious little girl called Everlee Rose. It is heartbreaking to all of us, that she cannot be with us to see her Daddy’s Love.
This little girl, would have known nothing but the greatest things in life. But her special gift to us, is seeing her Mommy and Daddy loving each other and remembering her with grace and dignity.
If I live to be 100, I will never forget your precious words Rhonda. I am so happy that Darcy has you to hold him in your arms. Please give him a hug from us today, on his special day, and I know without a doubt, that you will look after “Our Boy”
Thank you for giving us such a wonderful gift of this letter, and one that we will always treasure. Love to both of you today. Mom and Dad, McMom and McDad
To Rhonda’s and Darcy’s mom….You did a wonderful job responding to Rhonda’s letter and sharing some of your memories with all of us. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be living so far away from the people you love so very much and not being able to share these special days and occasions with them. There’s no doubt in my mind that you are a wonderful mom to Darcy and Rhonda and that Everlee Rose would have had one of the best grandma’s as well! She’s looking down at you feeling so proud and happy that her mom and dad has you and so many others taking care of them for her. It’s all about family and things will get better. God bless you both and hope to see you some time during your next visit to NL.
So Beautifully written Rhonda. Happy Father’s Day to the most tender man I have witnessed around babies.
Happy Father’s Day and Also Happy Birthday.
Love Aunt Mary and Uncle Paul.
Date: Sun, 16 Jun 2013 18:30:31 +0000 To: firstname.lastname@example.org
Happy Father’s Day and happy birthday to one of the greatest dad and, given that he is the love of my best friend’s life, one of the greatest men on earth. I love you both. Xoxo
Happy Birthday Darcy and Happy Fathers Day to him. I love the picture you shared. It is a look of love.
Thank you Rhonda, for letting all of us in and allowing us to see that precious picture of Darcy holding Everlee… It really is a very sweet picture…. And Inspite of everything I hope darcy had a great birthday….
Beautifully said. He’s carried her for every bit as long as you have. This picture is so intimate, because that’s your hearts breaking, right there, but I’m so glad you shared it. This picture is so solid, so real–just like your family, the three of you. And as a picture only captures fleeting moments, that moment couldn’t last. That doesn’t make it less real.
I am fighting back tears reading your posts because my good friend had the same thing happen recently, and her little girls name was Everlee as well. The strength that you and your husband show through your transparency is both inspiring and sobering. God bless you guys!