The worst year of my life is over. A new year has begun and I find myself in a very similar position that I was this time last year: pregnant. 13 and a half weeks pregnant to be exact. Over the moon happy, and more scared than I have ever been in my life.
I have been avoiding my blog since I found out, because I have been so scared to openly admit to the world (and myself) that Everlee’s little brother or sister is nestled quietly in my belly. But with a new year comes new hope. After every great storm, there is a rainbow. I am so grateful to be pregnant with my rainbow baby.
I’ve never had holiday season like this one. So grateful for the baby I’m carrying, and longing for the one that was living inside of me a year ago. Celebrating this baby that I am getting closer to bringing home, while still mourning the one I’ve lost. I’ve never had a Christmas that made me cry tears of joy and sorrow simultaneously. I didn’t realize how much sadness such a beautiful Christmas gift would bring.
2013 was hell in its most pure and raw form. But I am so thankful for your love, your kindness, and above all else your beautiful spirits that have allowed me to find my own spirit that I had so feared I lost in the beginning of 2013. In the greatest sadness, I found the greatest love. I’ll never forget the lessons 2013 has taught me, but I am not sad to see the year go.
2014 will bring many doctors appointments, lots of bed rest, a lot of anxiety and hopefully in June, a little healthy and alive brother or sister for my darling little girl.
Happy new year everyone. Cross your fingers and your toes and raise a glass. Here’s to hopefully happier days ahead.