On February 16th, surrounded by over 200 of her closest family and friends, we laid my sweet baby Everlee to rest. In the hardest moment of my life. I stood in front of that chapel full of people and I gave a eulogy to my sweet baby, and I told the world out loud how proud I was to be her mommy. This blog contains the words I spoke over my darling daughter the last time I saw her, and how I let people into my heart and soul to know what an amazing little girl she was before she even had a chance to be. This is my eulogy for sweet little Everlee Rose.
Ive always wanted to be a mommy. I was born to be your mommy my beautiful Everlee Rose. I never expected that motherhood would be like this for me. A mothers joy begins in an instant. That first positive test. That instant you first see that little flicker on a screen from deep inside you. From the first time you hear that incredible sound of the heartbeat and those first flutters that become playful kicks that let you know you’re never alone. For the last nine months I shared my everything with you, Everlee. I wished you goodnight and good morning with the first little stirs from within that let me know you we’re ready to start your day too. I sang to you, I talked to you, and I poked you back when you poked me. I was your mommy right from the very start, and I always will be. I am a mom, I am your mom.
Nobody will ever know you like I did. Not even your daddy. And that breaks my heart. Because to me you are perfect. An amazingly playful little girl who would wiggle and squirm and react to everything around you. I feel so sad for everyone who will never get to play with you like I did. we spent an amazing 9 months together. And ” No one will ever know the strength of my love for you like you did, you’re the only one who knows what what heart sounds like from the inside”.
Your daddy and I spent years waiting for you, not knowing if we’d ever get a chance to be your mommy and daddy. And when our prayers were finally answered against all odds we spent so many nights lying awake imagining all that you would be. You would be beautiful. Who would you be like? What would it feel like to hold you for the first time? Who would be the first one to make you laugh? What would your first word be? We waited patiently. It was hard. You were stubborn like your mommy and you had to make things just a little bit difficult in everything you did, but I did it all for you. I wish everyone knew you like I did, and I wish that we would get a chance to know the answer to all of those questions we’ve had in our hearts about you for the last nine months, but I do know this. You are more beautiful than I had ever imagined you could be and you were much too perfect for this often very cruel world.
I’ve always said that the wisest words come from Winnie the Pooh. We chose Winnie the Pooh for your nursery Everlee, because he’s been such a source of inspiration for me. So I want you to remember these words that I’ve been clinging to to get me through these absolutely most darkest days of my life as I learn to be a mommy for the first time without you here to help me “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”
Those words were beautiful when I heard you speak them and remain just as beautiful. You and Darcy showed true strength on that day. Giant hugs to both of you.
Beautiful words from a beautiful mommy…I love you Rhonda
Rhonda, you are a very strong and wonderful person, I don’t know if I would have the strenght like you to give a Eulogy, such beautiful words, Hugs to you and Darcy.
I saw your blog shared on Facebook and your title ”The worst days of my life’ caught my eye. I wasn’t expecting to read what I did but I was expecting to cry once I read the first few lines. Your story broke my heart. I couldn’t get you out of my mind and tonight I went back and read your most recent blogs and all the comments. I cried hard when I read your comments about your husband carrying Everlee to her grave and how a parent should never have to bury their child. I cried when you wrote that you failed your daughter. I cried when your McMom wrote that she would have gladly given her life so you could have your child. In the sadness of it all, I can feel the love. Between you and your baby girl and your family and friends who love you, and Everlee.
Your words make me cry simply because you are living a situation that every pregnant woman fears. I am sorry for that. I am a Mommy to a 20 month old boy. He stopped breathing 7 hours after he was born (several times) so I know fear. I would give my life for him, as I am sure you would have for Everlee. I am sorry that you didn’t have the happy ending that I did but please don’t blame yourself. You didn’t do this to her, you did so much more for her. You gave her life, you weren’t the one to take it away. Please don’t blame yourself. That makes me cry more than anything.
I will continue reading your blog. I will follow your journey to finding happiness again. I will get to know you through your words and your pain and I look forward to the day when I read ‘today is a good day’. I believe that you will get there.
From one mommy to another, take care
Absolutely beautiful Rhonda. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I am truly sorry for your loss. I’m sure that Everlee was as beautiful as the sun and as sweet as the Angels in heaven. She is with you always. Hold tight to every sweet memory and know that you are not alone. Sending hugs and prayers your way to you and your husband. May you find peace and comfort during your difficult time.