805

805 days and sometimes it still seems like yesterday.

For the most part I cope so well. People don’t see the hurt in my eyes like they used to, people don’t look at me and see a dead baby anymore. They see Finnegan’s mom. I love that. But the part that hurts the most is that they rarely see Everlee’s mom anymore. And if they do, they don’t mention it.

I was browsing through Facebook last night as I lay on the couch after Finnegan had gone to bed. It was the mundane stuff I had come to expect. Political post. Someone selling something. Share this in 30 seconds or your eyeballs will fall out. And then, like a swift kick in the kidneys a mother/daughter makeover contest for mother’s day. And I bawled. Not cried. Bawled. Full out ugly cry.  I’ll never get those mother/daughter moments. And I miss her. I really effing miss her.

Take a deep breath Rhonda, and you’ll make it through 806.

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2 thoughts on “805

  1. funny you posted this because just today I saw the newspaper and there was an ad in there for a mother daughter make over and I immediately thought of you, how I wish you could have a mother daughter make over, then I got sad and now I came here and saw this. I thought about you today. xo

  2. I know what you mean about wanting to be seen as the mother of your first child too. It’s nice to be finally publicly acknowledged as the mother’s we are, but we were before these rainbow babies! Mother’s day brings that up for me.

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